Getting Over A Breakup

If you are going through a breakup right now your life is very different.  Nothing looks, feels, and even tastes the same. You almost feel like you are living on a different planet.  You are confused and probably filled with anxiety.  You probably don’t feel like getting out of bed and you’ve lost your zest for doing some of the things you love.

Everything you look at reminds you of your partner.   The restaurants, the furniture in your house, the clothes you wore and even the foods you ate when you were with your lover.  They are all painful reminders of a relationship you had but now seem to have lost.

For some the situation can even include being rejected by mutual friends.  They either side with one of you or they just don’t want to be around you for fear your loss will translate to their relationship.

What usually happens is that in an attempt to get away from these painful memories and situations you will make drastic changes in your life.   And those changes might make you feel a little better for a short while.  And this is where you need to be careful.

Take small steps.  You can spend more time with friends who really do care about you. Just by being in their company you will start to feel better.  They will support you and help to restore your sense of self-esteem.  For now, you can make a small change by putting away any photos you have of your lover.   Just put them in a drawer for now so the reminder of the two of you together is not so raw.

As for going to the places you loved to go with your partner – you don’t have to avoid going there if you still love those places.   Having to avoid places puts more stress on you and makes the break up harder.    So go to those places.  Learn to enjoy it on your own or with other friends or dates.   You will be better off and stronger if you can do that.  It will help to take some of the sting out of your break up because the places you loved have not been taken away from you too.

Making huge changes puts you in a stranger place emotionally and makes the break up even harder to deal with because the changes cause more confusion and can even highlight the pain of the break up.  And you may make changes that are hard to reverse which will put you into a stage of regret later on that you don’t need.

In reality, changing too many things is a form of denial.   So try hard to keep to your normal schedule and do those things that you always did.    Because with time, in a calm way, you will make healthy choices and changes that will be beneficial to you and not done because you are trying to get away from painful memories.